January 19, 2006
Bad example
LEADERONIA-Returning from a 4 Boroughs tour in the city
of New York, west of Leaderonia, in which our Great Leader
battled against multinational burocracies, the Great Leader
sat down for a quick comment on Energy policy.
"Leadoronia" he said "has adopted the rule of conservationism".
When a member of the Free Press ask the GL to comment on
the current foreign affairs regarding the neighboring United
States and the Islamic Republic of Iran, our Great Leader boasted:
"How hypocritical is to wage war to a sovereign country in order
to establish freedom and democracy which translate in
mere Free trade dictatorship, and then deny negotiations
with another sovereign country for its engagement in its own energy
programs". He went on saying that if the Western community wants
the iranians to quit their own program, fearing a weapon escalation
which could drain the weak economies of both sides of the Atlantic,
they have to quit their own and disarm completely, just as they preach
around the Mideast region, except Israel.
Leaving the conference, the GL went up to the fourth floor of the
Leaders Palace, where a makeshift camp has been established after last
monday evacuation of all properties into Fort LIC. From the 4th floor
the GL is preparing monday's invasion of Old Europe.
(Image from Le Monde)
LEMONDE.FR | 18.01.06
January 09, 2006
The Invasion of Europe
( click on the image above to see all the details of the Grand Plan )
LEADERONIA-Over a year and an half of strategizing and plotting
and preparing the invasion of the old land of the italic peninsula,
in central Mediterranean Sea, Our Great Leader resurfaced for a
coffee break.
The Grand Plan was revealed and the Official Poster was issued to
illustrate the strategy for the post-invasion, which contains a
dubious date.
The Segretariat does not comment on the question over the fact the
plan has been lifted from a previous invasion by the Allied called
Marshall Plan. Analysts have taken a good look at the Official Poster
\and they will call a press conference to outline the foundation of
this doubt.
Despite the discontent of the people of Leaderonia, whom they feel
abandoned by his presence, Our Great Leader was seen in a good
mood and relaxed, and well fed.
A senior official from the Department of Propaganda confirmed the
rumors based on a widespread belief that the Great Leader will have
a speech before the Invasion.
January 11, 2005
Skin Ad
From the Office of Foreign Intelligence:
In an effort to understand the social canvas of the Host Land,
The United States, the new Office of Foreign Intelligence will
provide all Leaderonians the opportunity to read and discuss
the chronicle of the american human struggle, a struggle for
survival.
Here is a story of a man, Andrew Fisher.
Man auctions ad space on forehead
A 20-year-old US man is selling advertising space on his forehead to the highest bidder on website eBay.
Andrew Fisher, from Omaha, Nebraska, said he would have a non-permanent logo or brand name tattooed on his head for 30 days.
"The way I see it I'm selling something I already own; after 30 days I get it back," he told the BBC Today programme.
Mr Fisher has received 39 bids so far, with the largest bid currently at more than $322 (£171).
"The winner will be able to send me a tattoo or have me go to a tattoo parlour and get a temporary ink tattoo on my forehead and this will be something they choose, a company name or domain name, perhaps their logo," he told the Radio 4 programme.
I wouldn't go around with 666, the mark of the beast
Andrew Fisher
On the online auction, Mr Fisher describes himself as an "average American Joe, give or take".
His sales pitch adds: "Take advantage of this radical advertising campaign and become a part of history."
Mr Fisher said that while he would accept any brand name or logo, "I wouldn't go around with a swastika or anything racial".
He added: "I wouldn't go around with 666, the mark of the beast.
"Other than that I wouldn't promote anything socially unacceptable such as adult websites or stores."
He said he would use the money to pay college - he is planning to study graphic design.
The entrepreneur said his mother was initially surprised by his decision but following all the media attention she felt he was "thinking outside the box".
Published: 2005/01/10 12:03:42 GMT
© BBC MMV
November 15, 2004
Revocation of Independence
The Intelligence Chief of The One Leader, The Graet Leader
has intercepted a communication from the Crown of England.
THE FOLLOWING IS NOT TEXT FROM LEADERONIA:
Dear Americans,
In the light of your recent failure to elect a reasonable President and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (Tony Blair for the 97.85% of you who have until
now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will
appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid to the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
* You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
* Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler
noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and ineffective
form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
* There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.
* You should learn to distinguish between English and Australian
accents. It really isn't that hard.
* Hollywood will be required to occasionally cast English actors as the
good guys.
* You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen,
but only after carrying out task one. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
* You will no longer be allowed to play American football. There is only
one kind of football. What you refer to as "football" is not a very
good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside
your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American
football.
Instead you should play proper football. Initially, it would be best if
you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave
enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to
American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every 20
seconds or wearing full body armour like nancies).
* You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there
is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
Russians have never been the bad guys.
* The fourth of July is no longer a public holiday. The third of
November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be
called "Stupidity Day".
* All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German Cars, you will understand what we
mean.
We understand that it will take some time for this to sink through into
the quagmire of your collective consciousness, (you may wish to look up
the words Quagmire, Collective, and Consciousness) and so we give you
until the first day of the 12th month in the Year of our Lord 2004 to
respond.
November 09, 2004
Know your shit in Costa Rica
"If you're not someone who gives much thought to the color, texture,
and consistency of your shit, you will become so after a week."
Those are the words of an US turist
in reference to the her stay in Costa Rica.
Continue to read the full list of Frequently Asked Questions
from the official site of the Costa Rica Tourism Board
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Do I need a passport to go to Costa Rica?
2. Do I need a visa to go to Costa Rica?
3. Can I enter Costa Rica with a one way ticket?
4.Do I need an international drivers license to drive in Costa Rica?
5.Can I get married in Costa Rica? What documents do I need?
6.What is the difference between the rain forest and the cloud forest?
7.Is the water drinkable in Costa Rica?
8. Is there a train service in Costa Rica?
9. What is the currency in Costa Rica?
10. Are credit cards accepted in Costa Rica.
11. What kind of inoculations do I have to take to Costa Rica?
12. Do I need an electric adapter for a hair drier?
13. What documents are required to enter with a pet to Costa Rica?
14. How much is he departure tax?
15. How can I get a working visa?
16. How can I apply for legal residency in Costa Rica?
17. Are the national parks wheel chair accessible?
18. Is there a tour operator offering special tours for handicapped people?
19. Is there an American Legion in Costa Rica?
20. If I decided to stay longer, can I get a visa while I am there?
21. What should I bring when going to the rain forest?
22. Are there domestic airlines that travel within the country?
23. What is the sales tax in Costa Rica?
24. What number should I dial in case of emergency?
25. Are there English written newspapers?
26. Where can I practice white water rafting?
27. When do you celebrate Carnival?
28. Where can egg laying turtles be seen?
29. Which are Costa Rica natural boundaries?
30. How is Costa Rica politically divided?
Moral Value #1: Fear
FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS:
Our Host country has elected their new leader
for the next 4 years and it will prepare for the
swearing-in ceremony in the coming January 20th.
In a communique sent to our Office,
the local administration has designated it as a
National Special Security Event.
Five events were designated NSSEs in 2004:
the State of the Union Address,
the G8 Sea Island, Georgia, Economic Summit,
the funeral of former President Ronald Reagan,
and the Democratic and Republican national conventions.
The Secretary of State has stated that
the One Leader, The Great Leader will not be onoring
with His presence the cerimony of the local leader,
but He will send in a delegation of scientists to
study the case in the details.
The Secretary Deputy has said that the One Leader,
the Great Leader has not yet recognized the legitimacy
of the past elections resulted in the victory of the
Governor of Texas, the Selected President of 2000.
He also declared that the Host country will be renamed:
The Divided States of America, and their flag will be
returned to the one better known as the "Confederate"
on the right and the one known as "Stars Sprangled
Banner" on the left side, and in the middle a large
white flaming cross.
The Department of Information and Propaganda will
soon release a rendering of the future flag of the DSA.
Andrew Veal
The following words are taken from a article published
today from the New York Post of News Corp, Rupert
Murdoch's media empire.
This exert from a 3 page note was written by Andrew Veal
who shot himself this past week in the pit of Ground Zero,
these words are in fact his last words:
"I got 60 rounds of shells and I'm driving toward the beach
or Jersey. I'm still in Walmart . . . I just bought a Smith and
Wesson 12-gauge action shotgun. I can't wait to fire it. I can
contact Trent, but if I do I won't tell him about the shotgun
because he'll get nervous."
The following names are the reporters responsible for the article:
MURRAY WEISS, DAVID SCHARFENBERG and CYNTHIA R. FAGEN
with Additional reporting by Erin Calabrese.
June 07, 2004
Leaderonia Struggle for Clean Air
FROM THE PRESS:
State Delays Decision On Power Plant In Greenpoint
State Delays Decision On Power Plant In Greenpoint
JUNE 06TH, 2004
Brooklyn residents will have to wait another month to find out if a power plant is coming to Greenpoint.
Tans Gas Energy wants to build an 1,100-megawatt plant on the Brooklyn waterfront.
The New York State Board on Electric Generation Siting and the Environment was supposed to make a final decision on the plant Saturday. But the decision was delayed because the board has to review a proposal from the gas company that would put the plant underground.
The Greenpoint-Williamsburg Waterfront Task Force, a group opposed to the power plant, calls the plan a fantasy.
The board is now expected to make a decision on July 8.
April 23, 2004
Fashion and Fascism
The Great Leader is puzzled by this law proposal in the state of Louisiana...
from the Agence of Presse
Louisiana May Ban Low-Slung Pants
BATON ROUGE, La. - People who wear low-slung pants that expose skin or "intimate clothing" would face a fine of up to $500 and possible jail time under a bill filed by a Jefferson Parish lawmaker.
State Rep. Derrick Shepherd said he filed the bill because he was tired of catching glimpses of boxer shorts and G-strings over the lowered belt lines of young adults.
The bill would punish anyone caught wearing low-riding pants with a fine of as much as $500 or as many as six months in jail, or both.
"I'm sick of seeing it," said Shepherd, a first-term legislator. "The community's outraged. And if parents can't do their job, if parents can't regulate what their children wear, then there should be a law."
The bill would be tacked onto the state's obscenity law, which restricts sexual activity in public places and the sale of sexually explicit items.
Joe Cook, head of the American Civil Liberties Union 's Louisiana chapter, said the bill probably does not meet the U.S. Supreme Court 's standard for the prohibition of obscene behavior under the First Amendment.
"What about a woman who is wearing a bathing suit under her garment or she has something like a sarong wrapped around her and it's below her waist," he said. "I can think of a lot of workers, plumbers, who are working and expose their buttocks ..."
April 16, 2004
Rule by Law
From The Supreme Council of
The Great Leader and His Advisors in Exile:
The brutal morning news shook the heart of the Great One.
The killing of 4 year old Darwin in the Borough of Brooklyn
had to be followed by a Supreme Decree.
Here is in simple words:
WHOEVER HURTS CATS OR KILLS THEM WILL BE PUNISHED HARSHLY.
The Great Leader also went on to establish a new Rule:
ALL ADULTS AND FIT PEOPLE SHALL PROVIDE BY MANDATE COMMUNITY SERVICE FOR 96 HOURS A YEAR MINIMUM.
The Supreme Council has left an open opportunity to comment on this new Laws.
March 18, 2004
The Other Leaders
From the Ministry of FOREIGN AFFAIRS:
From his sick bed The Great Leader has take the time to express his feeling about the changing world.
In a rare akwnoledgment of other "minor" leaders, he welcomed the outcome of the general election in the Reign of Spain. He is confident in the future president Mr. Zapatero. However the Great Leader has not yet disclosed the intention to invite Mr. Zapatero, due probably to security reason here in America. Many americans are somehow convinced tha Mr. Zapatero is a terrorist.
Also the Great Leader has expressed gratitude to the Island of Jamaica Leadership, for the hosting of the ousted President of The Island of Haiti, Mr. Aristide. The Great Leader has repeated that he is not recognizing the new government of Haiti.