The future of Syrian Satanism rests in our hands

There is no God.

He asked if they should fuck the deer. The answer, reader, is yes.

Heart On a Stick has a roundup of the last Rocket From the Crypt Show and some rather excellent photos

Rogue Wave - "Descended Like Vultures"

Sub Pop, the label most associated with the, um, grunge sound of the Great Pacific Northwest back in the 90’s, has lately become the home of a raft of gentle, off-kilter pop bands. This is either indicative of the music savvy behind the label or a sign of the apocalypse, depending on your sensibilities. Not that every band on the roster has gone all poppy – there’s still Comets On Fire, and Kinski, and none other than frickin’ Mudhoney, for gosh sakes – but The Shins and the Fruit Bats certainly lean that way, as do the subject of today’s review, Rogue Wave. Their new album, Descended Like Vultures, is what’s on the plate today. Let’s dig in, shall we?

"Now the people who are photographed a lot have come to believe that they really are special. It's validating." Indeed.

MSNBC interviews David Berman [?!?]

Batshit woman from Trading Spouses. You know the one

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Have you seen the new phren-o-licious Blogfucker?

The Gothamist Formula: Make light of a serious subject, get your facts completely wrong, and then ignore when your mistakes are pointed out.

Art? I love Art!

This weekend is the semiannual LIC Open Studios shindig. I've been to this and enjoyed it, so perhaps you'd like it as well. There's an opening at PS1 too. And while you're out here (hahaha I'm going to pretend that you're all actually coming to Queens) you should stop by TEN63 (10-63 Jackson Ave.) and buy condolence coffee.

Why are all the hot ones dead?

If Fox News Had Been Around Throughout History

Um. Corey Feldman dingbats [Via]

Schizophrenics are better at diiscerning optical illusions

Evening on the ground

Twice this week I've been visited by the Night Guard Fairy. The Night Guard Fairy steals into the bedroom, usually after a night of heavy drinking, plucks the $500 night guard from my mouth, and leaves behind a shiny quarter. I wake up shortly thereafter, my teeth cha-cha-cha'ing themselves into a fine powder.

I can't believe I drank moonshine [Via the queen of the still, Maud Newton]

Cool post about Night of the Hunter

Rockettes refused maternity leave

Velvet Underground 3D Death Chase [Via]

Hed of the week: Man in Nazi gear suspected in indecent exposure

Don't you know that it hurts me so

It's 25 days and counting until TEN63, the greatest cafe that ever existed, closes. NYC, being the huge organic structure that it is, has a lot of turnover and attrition. There aren't many places I've mourned the passing of, but TEN63 holds a place in my heart, not only because of its wondrous coffee and foodstuffs. It's also the first place I've been to, in my 8 years in the city, where I really felt content.

No surprise ending here: Cam'ron drives Lamborghini through DC at 2 am, gets shot.

Step Right Up! The Art of the Sideshow Pitchman

Who dials up these days? The Times ran this unintentionally hilarious piece about how IM'ing is killing today's youth, or something. Sadly the online version of this article is missing the swingin' on the flippity-flop graphic of real. live. teenage. IM'ing.

It's joined the bleedin' choir invisible!

The story of the Great Leader and the Cat Lady

To the woman with the penis drawn on her forehead

The Subject Supposed to Loot and Rape [Via MeFi]

My father on the crazy old guy with the dead dude in his windshield: If I ever get that addled, you can hide all my keys and shoot me.

Big ol' interview with Mary Roach

Oooh. A 25-y-o elementary school teacher thinks my neighborhood is "edgy!" (And FYI, we specialize in "week-old pastry" shops!)

I don't mind some slight disorder

Apparently the ENTIRE subway system is on fire right now. As such, no one in my office has made it into work (one of them actually called me having a temper tantrum in his Brooklyn subway station), leaving me to do the administrative plate-spinning bonanza. I hate having to actually interact with coworkers.

In the meantime I picked out two songs for your weekend listening pleasure:
Rainy Night in Soho, by the Pogues. (Any word on Shane "Don't Let Them Bury Me I'm Not Dead Yet" MacGowan?)

Gloomy Sunday, by Diamanda Galás. AKA the Hungarian Death Song. Like being Hungarian isn't enough to drive you to suicide.

(Disclaimer: Not responsible if these songs drive you to suicide/rotting teeth.)

Jesus Armflapping Christ.

Russian tycoon sent to Siberian jail

Irvine Welsh on why Scotland is so fucked up

The Constantines, "Tournament of Hearts"

The plan was solid. Don't question the plan. I would listen to the new Constantines record. If I didn't like it, then I would write a long, annoying essay about what's wrong with indie rock. If I did like it, then I would just write about that. Simple! But what do you write about when you're utterly indifferent? So, this would require mental somersaults, or, what other people might call "effort."

Everybody loves a TV show

Last night I found myself at one of those pseudo-private clubs for a Kennedy offspring's book release party. (Don't ask.)

The oldest story in the book: Crazy teacher quits after school finds her "sex blog." Blogger finds said "sex blog". Said crazy teacher finds said blogger. (How do I know she's crazy? Um, Comic Sans, hello!)

SEX-PARTY HELL!!!

Sports Dignity, ladies and gentlemen

Sumo Wrestlers vs. Pastrami

Oooh. Gallery of New Wave Single Sleeves

Another high point in the American justice system

Jury rejects ex-inmate's suit:

Jurors on Tuesday rejected a convict's federal lawsuit claiming that six prison officials had violated his constitutional right against cruel and unusual punishment by ignoring his pleas for protection from inmate rapes. The man, Roderick K. Johnson, had sought unspecified damages against six officials of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice at the Allred Unit near Wichita Falls, where he was housed for 18 months.

Serono to pay $704 million for promoting bogus AIDS drug

Time Is a Game Only Children Play Well

So last night was a banner spectacle in the R--- household (well, technically I'm the only R--- but see I inherited this ugly-ass placard from my grandparents that says "The R---'s"--their punctuation, not mine--which I insist on displaying prominently) what with the 9th inning miracle and all. I have never heard N scream so loud. It's the kind of scream one would use to finish a speech that contains the line "...and the lamentation of the women." He also hopped around the room like a bunny rabbit.

Similarly exciting, today Tanglewood Numbers is released. And you can watch the video for "How Can I Love You (If You Won't Lie Down)" here! Rejoice!

Dressed all in pink leisurewear, the woman wore a top bearing the slogan, "Love is ... patching things up," perhaps a sign of a rocky love life. Um, OK.

I wish that I had Jesse's hair, and I wish I could say this is the first time I've seen these (OH SNAP)

The Autumn of My Discontent, or Quit It with the Tapered Pants Already: Fall Fashion Roundup

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me.-Mountain Goats

Fashion has always sort of eluded me, and I have photographic proof. (For another time.) I can think of a few occasions when I've been au courant and for the most part it's unintentional. Periodically the longhorn-wrangling lesbian look comes into vogue, you know. It's fine. I have other things to worry about. Like FAMINE and NUCLEAR WAR.

However, working as I do in the young rich kids' shtetl, and confirmed by various sources, I have glimpsed 2005 fall fashion trends, and I am disturbed.

Sound Pollution: The Silent Killer Really Annoying Thing [Via]

Everything you EVER wanted to know about strap-ons [Via]

Yay! A whole site devoted to Family Guy quotes [Via]

Death to the soccer infidels!

How physicists cook

The most entertaining AskMe post EVAR

Chimps chat as they eat

This is the most fatuous post I've ever seen on Gothamist. That is all.

Good news for the people of Cleveland: Dead Boys Reunite for 30th Anniversary on Halloween

I sincerely hope this woman's uterus drops out of her the next time she sneezes

Let the record show that I, in fact, like Steve Almond, but only because he gave me a lot of free candybars, a tactic Jennifer Weiner might consider

The Beslan Resurrection Cult?

Op-Ed in yesterday's Times about the Roderick Johnson case.

Big Star - "In Space"

Chances are that if you read this site on anything like a regular basis, you already have some sort of history with Big Star. REM, The Replacements, and Teenage Fanclub have all acknowledged their debt to the band, and countless others have suckled at the teats of #1 Record (1972), Radio City (1974), and Third/Sister Lovers (1978). It is through these groups that most of us have come to know and appreciate what could rightfully be called the band that helped launch both alternative rock and power pop.

Esperanto HyperCourse!

Is anyone really entitled to a hyphen?

You're really hung! And your sister is nice, too.

More evidence of "Flores man" discovered

"I'd probably be married, living in Greenwich, with four children in boarding school." And this is preferable how?

How The Brain Sorts Babble Into Auditory Streams

Silver Jews, "Tanglewood Numbers"

I just spent the morning getting drilled to a fairtheewell at the dentist and the Lidocaine is only just now wearing off. She was generous with the painkillers, so much so that I'm talking like Benny from LA Law and the bottom half of my face feels like Kitty Dukakis. Anyhow. With all the unpleasantness life can hand you, isn't it Good News that the new Silver Jews album, Tanglewood Numbers, is set to be released next week?

Yes, but can they do a portrait in the style of "Before Six Beers/After Six Beers?" [Via]

Winner, Best Hed of the Week [Spaceeba!]

"Has anyone seen Mr. Whiskers?"

The Power Of Scott: Loving tribute to Manowar [Via]

Life During Wartime

Things are going to hell in a handbasket in LIC these days. First of all, they're doing some sort of construction on 11th Street that necessitated the construction of not one, but three sturdy, tarpapered huts. Now half of the street is closed to traffic. Permanent-looking structures in the middle of a thoroughfare: NOT REASSURING.

Moving along, TEN63, purveyors of the best coffee in the five boroughs, have been strongarmed out of their lease by shady, shifty, and other sh- words new landlords who will hopefully have their cocks cut off by hobos.

Next, we have the alarming news that just down the street, McReilly's Pub, which has one of the top ten burgers in the city and a lavish assortment of all those weird brown condiments folks from the British Isles are fond of, faces almost certain demise, because their new landlords (also destined to have their cocks cut off by hobos) have doubled their rent.

But you know what TRULY makes me curse the injustice of the world? It's those FUCKING SUBPAR FLOWERS in the lobby; they insult the good people of Citylights.

Hot on the heels of the most pathetic asskicking of the postseason, Sakebomb re-envisions Glengarry, Glen Ross

The Trick Is Deceitful Above All Things

This week's New York magazine features an article by Stephen Beachy that attempts to unmask the hoax that is JT LeRoy--and does a pretty good job at it.

It blows my mind--and I've said this before, 18 different ways--that even though "JT LeRoy" possesses all the earmarks of a hoax, "his" legions of fans remain loyal.

Elevator hacking: Myth or reality?

Whooo, Lordy: Ray Pettibon as profiled in the New York Times

The Daily News: Useful for terrorizing your neighbors

West Side Story, as horror film [Via]

Male mice signal sex with tears [Via]

Our man Phil Campbell is excerpted in The Stranger this week, and FWIW, he doesn't have a goatee.

Well, this settles it: We're all gonna die

OMG NURSING BABY GIBBON VIDEO!!!

Heads yes, tails no

If Elvis could, why not Jesus? [Via]

Religious miracles: DEBUNKED! (Then what's this all about?)

"He was a perfect gentleman."

Administrative notes

Two things:

• I've migrated some of the posts from my old blogspot address for various reasons, so if you look through the archives or are reading this via my brokedick RSS feed and see random shit from three years ago, that's why. Feel free to read or ignore. One of these days I'll get around to exporting all my blogspot entries in one fell swoop, but it won't be soon.


• Confidentially? Some of you are beginning to weird me out. (No, not you. You.)

I know how the python felt

The Brits were perverts: Who knew?

The jaws that bite

The reason I have not made any substantial updates is because I am too busy wrangling with my RSS feed. It appears to be broken. Any ideas?

I paid a visit to the dentist* yesterday after an embarassing-number-of-years-absence from the Poke and Scrape La-Z-Boy. Predictably, I have two cavities. (Well, two new cavities, in addition to my already-established ones, wink.)

"Kings of Leon and the Killers should pay estate taxes just to exist" - David Berman [Via]

Sylphide meets Shining Path: Ballerina gets 20 years for hiding Guzman

Nine in ten British prisoners have mental disorder

The NY Post is so tasteful and understated

"I done it and they were going to catch me," said the murderous, pedophilic priest

Ugh: Roundup of Immigrants in Shelter Reveals Rising Tensions

No, I'm NOT doing any work today, I'm reading the entire Raising Arizona script instead

What is Condoleezza Rice paraphernalia exactly?

Real Madrid usurps Man U in moneymakin'

I'm sorry, what?

Lost Capote novel to be published. It would be awfully nice to have an advance copy of that....

Get well soon, George!

How have I lived this long without 3quarksdaily?

Maud Newton and Mark Sarvas guest-edit the latest edition of Boldtype

The cloak-and-dagger world of rare maps!

Howl turns 50, Ginsberg thankfully still dead

Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine: Squares

RIP August Wilson

Pink and wet, they make the best kind of pet

Two things you quickly learn at the gym: 1) No one actually wipes the goddamned machines off after they use them and 2) If you're a man, the act of entering the locker room is tacit consent for every guy in the place to fuck one or more of your orifices.

Send a letter to the future

NTBR on The Diviners:Hated it!