Downtown

Pike Place Market* – Everybody goes there, eventually. During the summer, it is absolutely overrun with tourists. Locals know to go early in the morning, or they just wait until September when everybody else goes home. You will see all sorts of wonderful local produce, various souvenir-type stalls, and lots of fresh fish, including the remarkably ugly geoduck. I’m told they’re good eating.

There is one stall that does some mildly entertaining throwing of fish – you’ve probably heard of or seen them somewhere. The thing is, all that fish-flinging isn’t terribly good for the merchandise. There are a couple of other stalls that have un-thrown fish, and you won’t have to wait as long to get to the counter. I’m pretty sure that they all will ship your purchase back home for you, too, so you don’t have to carry ten pounds of salmon on the airplane with you.

Also in the market area is the first Starbucks. We’re sorry.

Seattle Art Museum – is closed for renovation this year. Honestly, you’re not missing much; they get some nice touring shows, but the permanent collection is weak.

Pioneer Square – Home to many junkies, and entertainment central for fratboys at night. However, there are a few interesting galleries down there, along with Elliot Bay Books. They’re not quite what they once were, but it’s still worth having a look. Plus, they still have readings.

Also worthwhile, if you’re at all interested in history, is the Underground Tour. Seattle is a relatively young city, built atop the ruins of the city that, in large part, burnt to the ground. Thankfully, this part of our past is safe from condo-ization. I think.

Seattle Mariners – It’s only American League ball, but it’s what we have. The stadium is pretty sweet, anyway. Be advised that if you’re trying to navigate downtown on game day, traffic is gonna be all fucked up.

Queen Anne

The view from the top of Queen Anne hill is pretty amazing. It’s definitely worth a trip up to Kerry Park.

Seattle Center – Perhaps you’ve heard of our very own phallic symbol, the Space Needle? This is where they keep it. As a tourist, you are required to take the elevator to the top. You will be charged for this. Do it anyway. If the day is clear, the views are worth it. The restaurant, however, is not. The food is overpriced and mediocre - $8 for a ham sandwich last time I was there, about ten years ago. If you must experience the revolving restaurant thing, order an iced tea and nurse it.

Also at Seattle Center is the Pacific Science Center, which is great for kids, and Seattle Children’s Theater… which is great for kids. The Intiman Theater is here, too – I think Richard III is up right now, which probably wouldn’t be so great for kids. And there’s the Fun Forest, which is great for separating the gullible from their money. The kids’ll love it.

If you time your visit right, this is also where they have The Bite of Seattle (7/21 -23) and Bumbershoot (9/2 – 4). Both events are insanely overcrowded. I usually don’t go, myself, but if you handle crowds well then go for it.

EMP is also there. Since I refuse to set foot in that motherfucking eyesore, I couldn’t tell you what the inside is like. I can say that from the outside it looks like the Space Needle took a dump in the parking lot. Oh, and right across the street is The Funhouse, Seattle’s oldest surviving punk club, run by one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet, Brian Foss. If you go, tell him I said hi.

Easy Street Records – Probably my favorite record shop in town.

Queen Anne also has a buttload of new condos. I hate them. They are destroying everything that attracted me to living here in the first place. Seriously, come to Seattle now, while there are still a few buildings left that were built before 2004.

Tomorrow – more sights to see, more condos to mock.

*Note the lack of a possessive in that name. Not Pike’s Place, not Pike’s Market. Use either of those terms and you will be marking yourself as a rube. The locals are far too polite to laugh in your face, but believe me, we will be laughing behind your back.