Best of all, before these would-be Humbert Humberts are led off in handcuffs, Hansen mock-interrogates them. Naturally, they all say the same thing--that they were just visiting this girl they met online, they didn't mean nothin' by it--but what would you say in a situation like that? Still, over and over and over and over and over again, this scene plays out. And it's interspersed with dramatic readings of IM conversations between the perp and the "girl." If you think that nothing could make IMs seem any more insipid, listen to them being read aloud.

It's not like I expect lofty journalistic ideals from a news show that features profiles of sextuplets at least once a month. But this program really creases me, for several reasons. As the Living in a Media World article demonstrates, the legions of online sexual predators are, at worst, an example of moral panic, and at best, a totally undefinable, unquantifiable menace. It's not to say that they don't exist at all--anecdotally, a friend of mine told me that her teenage sister has, in fact, met men online and gone to visit them, which is really fucking scary--but shows like this perpetuate the myth that it's always going to be some strange, scary goon who's out to get your kids, when statistics show that children are far more likely to be abused by someone they know--namely, a relative, a neighbor, or a babysitter. Journalists perform a disservice when they allow parents to believe that children are most in danger of The Other.

Another thing about this show: It's not even a public (dis)service; it's bread and circus. Ninety percent of the show is devoted to footage of dudes with bad haircuts arriving at the sting house, walking in, geting served cookies (I really don't understand why there are cookies) and a big glass of opprobrium, and then being tackled and arrested. How is this anything but pornography?

Of course, operations such as this really do round up predators and put them in jail. Absolutely. I'm wondering, however, if To Catch a Predator is merely encouraging ephebophiles to be more careful. In fact, one of the perps they busted on last night's show (yes, yes, I watched it, ok? But I did it for SCIENCE) came right out and said something along the lines of, "Y'know, I saw this show on TV and as soon as I walked in I knew that's what this was."

Are children of the Internet Age more in danger than I was, than my parents were? Statistics for this are notoriously unreliable, but if we're to believe the government, instances of abuse have actually decreased. Here's my point: When I was a kid, I encountered all sorts of unsavory guys--at the beach, at the fair, at keggers in the forest. Some of them I even "dated." So who's to say that MySpace isn't the 21st-century equivalent of the county fair? Maybe if America's teens would get off their fat asses and leave the house once in awhile, they, too, could meet perverts in real time, like we did it in my day.

Finally--and N thinks that I'm a monster for feeling this way--there was one guy on the show I genuinely pitied. Unkempt and wearing government-issue glasses, he sat right down at the table and ate a cookie. After Hansen surprised him in the kitchen, he continued to eat the cookies. And as soon as he started answering questions, I realized: This guy isn't particularly bright. In fact, he seemed borderline retarded. I felt queasy. Yeah, the guy knew right from wrong. Yeah, studies demonstrate a correlation between lower intelligence and pedophilic tendencies. And believe me, I don't feel bad for the other guys, the Mr. Drakkar Noir Hairgel driving up in his Eclipse with a six-pack of Zima and some cat handcuffs.

There's something shameful, however, about making an example of a retarded man.

To Catch a Predator is just another flavor of Media That Allows Us to Talk About Sex with Children Without Feeling Guilty for Our Boners. America eats that shit up--the McMartin Preschool Trial kerfuffle is another perfect example of this. And we're not any safer, or better educated, or anything. They're Jerry Springer without bitchslapping smackdowns, and to his credit, Jerry Springer doesn't pretend to be anything more than entertainment.