I have worn a shearling coat (once...it was a gift from my father, who'd gotten it in trade for something else--my father, the barterer-- and I hated it because I couldn't bend my arms, so I gave it to the Salvation Army-–me, the ingrate) and I think they should come with a 3D graphical diagram illustrating, based on your actual human size, just how much larger you are with a shearling coat. It's enough padding to make Jackass-type stunts seem highly do-able.

Anyhow, he backed right on into the small portion of bench next to me with an assuredness that pinpointed him as man of largesse. A large man of largesse. I suddenly found I could only breathe out of one nostril, the other being pressed shut by a lambskin lapel.

Because he was so much taller than I was, he had an unobstructed view of my reading material. (Don't ask.) He stopped reading because he was just as bored as I was.

Absent any minstrels or jesters to entertain him, he then leafed through a folder of faxes. First up: A travel itinerary for the Indian subcontinent.

Next up: A list of scheduled visits with various Important People while on the Indian subcontinent.

Then: An invitation to Bill Moyers' Holiday Party.

All for Erica Jong and her husband, Ken Burrows.

I was squished by Erica Jong's husband! I was squished by this man! I wish the wealthy would stay off the subways.