To wit: I have now lived long enough that I am seeing fashion trends return that I hated the first time around. Hey, it happens.

I am witnessing the resurgence of everything I hated in 1988:

• High-waisted pants with tapered legs


• Tall boots with pants tucked in


• Cinched waists


• Big belts


• Pleats


• Broad-shouldered blazers


• New Romantic frippery


• A-line anything


• Swing jackets


• Leggings


• Poofy skirts


• Fedoras

I hate these things because they do not flatter me. I have broad shoulders that require me being cut out of garments in the dressing room, no waist to speak of, and fulsome thighs that give way to calves that resist being zipped into boots.

God help me if overalls or Tretorns or big plaid or Z. Cavariccis come back in style. I do not know what I will do.*

The one thing I'm grateful for is the return of tight trou on men. As Frank O'Hara said: "As for measure and other technical apparatus, that’s just common sense: if you’re going to buy a pair of pants you want them to be tight enough so everyone will want to go to bed with you."** Also, it enables me to make everyone profoundly uncomfortable because I can say things like "You don't usually dress to the right, do you?"

*Actually, I know exactly what I will do: Viz Charles Whitman.
**I know he's talking about verse and not the pants so much, but my argument stands.