The jaws that biteThe reason I have not made any substantial updates is because I am too busy wrangling with my RSS feed. It appears to be broken. Any ideas? I paid a visit to the dentist* yesterday after an embarassing-number-of-years-absence from the Poke and Scrape La-Z-Boy. Predictably, I have two cavities. (Well, two new cavities, in addition to my already-established ones, wink.) She has a tony office on West 57th and is a sedately sexy lady. And her hygienist is a cute little Mormon snow bunny. Both are unfailingly polite and pleasant. Even the receptionist is lovely. And all this charm pert near took the sting out of being told--and not for the first time in my life--that I have the oral hygiene habits of Henry Lee Lucas. (Unrelated: On my way back to the office I saw Anderson Cooper on the subway platform. He is recognizable even head-down in a baseball cap.) Because my mouth is in such an appalling state of disrepair, I had to come back this morning to have my teeth cleaned--yesterday was just the primer to this week's Yuckmouth Symposium, apparently. It feels nice to have clean teeth again, though I will miss my afternoons spent scraping at them with an unbent paperclip. Oh, and come to find out I have ground all my teeth down to small, flat pellets. So I got fitted for a bite plate. "Some people have a little bit of difficulty breathing," the Mormon whispered as she inserted the mold. This was fun! It was though I'd filled my mouth with tile caulk and shoved a shoehorn in it. (This reminds me of something I wrote in my CRAZAY THOUGHTS notebook that I carry around: Why is it okay to list under the "Special Skills" section of your résumé "CPR certification" but "Breathplay fluency" is frowned upon?) Next week I go back for my fillings. Is there anyone out there who wants to be a Flossing Sponsor? It'd work like this: I can call you at night when I don't feel like flossing (which will probably be six or seven nights a week) and you can talk me into it. So that I don't end up like Shane MacGowan in ten years? Oh, speaking of toothless: In the past week or so, I've received 37 forwarded invites for Gawker commenting privileges. This is entirely unnecessary, as I can comment right here, from the comfort of my own ISP (or in a pinch I could go populist) and I'm not desirous of adding to the poor signal to noise ratio that existed even before commenting was instated. Plus, I wouldn't want to offer anything that might be considered "grammatical help." But *The recent recipient of the Maud Newton Seal of Approval. Posted by Dana at 01:16 PM
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Little Man with a Gun in His HandFWIW, the feed works fine for me.
Posted by: Sweet FA at October 5, 2005 06:23 PMI floss nightly, even when camping. And it's not just because I dated a periodontist.* It's because you hear the words "toothless" and "hillbilly" used together quite often in these parts.
*found his sock under my sofa the next day, but did not take it along to my next appointment.
Posted by: tizzie at October 5, 2005 07:55 PMOkay, did she tell you about the mouthwash? That mouthwash is just as effective as flossing for breaking up bacteria between your teeth? So fuck flossing, go buy some Listerine, Missy.
(Although just for the record I use floss AND mouthwash AND a night guard, because of my English roots and the grinding, plus the whole Shane MacGowan thing.)
Posted by: Mrs. Kennedy at October 7, 2005 02:59 PM