The Roar of the Masses Could Be Farts
June 15, 2005
5 Comments

Real estate is the porn of your thirties

I can't tell if there's actually some nesting action going on inside of me or if it's just that I've run out of bookmarked free twink thumbnail sites, but I find myself browsing upstate New York real estate listings. It's just too damned funny, the idea of having a cesspool, a dug well, and a sump pump again. I did that the first 18 years of my life for free--why would I voluntarily enslave myself to an FDIC-insured institution for 30 years for the privelege?

On the plus side, though, I found this guy. He and his dogs speak German, French & Swahili, for your convenience. As a friend put it, "This guy's got a crawlspace under his house, and it is all full up."

I've also found a number of unintentionally hilarious listings, such as this one (Use CAUTION viewing structure--a mere $125K).

Then there's this house, which, when I saw the listing last night, I thought I hallucinated (This WON'T last!!!, LITERALLY. A wonderful home for the right person!, like, say, Ed Gein. A steal at 84K).

Is there some way to freebase Xanax? I'm just curious.

Posted by Dana at 09:59 AM

Comments

That certainly is a wonderful home for the right person - namely, the village idiot.

On preview, that's kind of insulting to the idiot.

Posted by: tizzie at June 15, 2005 01:17 PM

But the puppies are really, really cute.

Posted by: tizzie at June 15, 2005 01:19 PM

well, you could probably crush it up and snort it, but you might get a sinus infection.

The tried and true method is just to chew it up, which should break up the time-release coating sufficiently enough to hit you faster.

it's the country-western way.

Posted by: fishfucker at June 15, 2005 04:29 PM

"house needs work," har de har har.

Posted by: patrick at June 15, 2005 04:38 PM

Speaking of the country-western way, I have a homework assignment for you. Tonight you have to watch CMT at 8PM. According to my friend-of-a-friend Dave:

last night--on CMT, they had this show , The Year in Country: 1975...they have this mindblowing clip of Charlie Rich presenting Country Entertainer of the Year from the '75 Country Music Awards. He's completely drunk, accidentally tears the envelope to shreds as he opens it, then, as he reads the card, he sarcastically says "my friend, john denver," pulls out a lighter, and lights the card on fire! it was amazing!

!!!

But don't worry if you can't see it tonight, apparently
it's on at other times too.

Posted by: krimur at June 15, 2005 04:48 PM