Seize Him!

This cracked me right the fuck up:

William Lee, 48, died after witnesses say he became belligerent and shoved an attendant during an evening American Airlines flight from Los Angeles and was physically restrained by seven men, possibly members of a rugby team from Australia or New Zealand.

Scene 1: Gym
Me: He's been on that eliptical machine for 45 minutes now. The limit is 30 minutes per machine.
Rugby players: [Charging.] RAAAAAAAAAAAA!
[Eliptical hog attempts to run away from the rugby players, trips over barbells that no one bothers to re-rack, falls to floor, is set upon by rugby players. Emits noise like deflating balloon.]

Scene 2: Crowded subway train
Me: Why she gotta be all pushing her gym bag into my kidneys LIKE THAT.
Rugby players: Unh? Grrrrr.
Me: Get her!
Gym bag wench: [muffled] Ack! Wheeze!

Scene 3: Bar
Me: This is ridiculous. I've been waiting here for ten minutes and the bartender is ignoring me.
Bartender: You've had two beers and a vodka drink and you're behaving in a belligerent manner. I'm not serving you any more alcohol.
Me: Crush him!
Rugby players: [Thud thud pound pound thud.]