ASBO-fucking-lutely.

The little fascist in me* was delighted to hear about this thing in the UK known as ASBO, which stands for Anti-Social Behaviour Order. Apparently you can get smacked with a penalty for being a prick. If, for example, you are a gas huffing nuisance or you can't control your straying pigs, you can be jailed for up to five years. I think that this is a capital idea and would like to be in charge of imposing ASBOs in my building. First off, the next-door neighbors would receive no fewer than five ASBOs. Then I will address the person or persons who keep leaving a yellow carpet in the foyer of the building. Listen, either you want it or you don't. But stop abandoning it in the public area. It is offensive. And whoever is discarding empty Swedish Fish bags and Colt 45 cans in the hallway, I'm looking in your direction. Finally, to the upstairs neighbor, the one who listens to the same Dave Matthews Band album every night: Sod the fucking ASBO, I am going to stab you in the neck with a screwdriver.

*Do you have a little fascist in you? Do you want some?