Little Man with a Gun in His Hand
March 10, 2005
8 Comments

Jesus Hates Subarus

You know, back when I drove an '83 Ford T-Bird, I couldn't do nothing wrong. That hulking monstrosity was like Ali, floating like a 1-ton butterfly through the streets of NYC. The few dust-ups I had left it, and me, completely unscathed. Why'd I get rid of it?

Since then, I've owned two Subarus. The first died a tragic death on the day of my 28th birthday. The second suffered a few indignities, some at my hands, and some at others', but last night man, last night...well, it isn't totaled. I broadsided a taxi who ran through a stop sign. (Oh, and hey, if the insurance company calls you, I told them we were coming from a fundraiser for thalidomide babies.)

I don't think anyone was hurt, thank goodness. But the front end of the car is all smushed inand creaky and making scrapey sounds when I drive. It limped home.

Things could be much worse. Thank you to N, Reeves, and my friend P for being such cool (and not to mention unhurt) friends.

Posted by Dana at 12:54 PM

Comments

considering the car will probably survive and no one suffered so much as a scraped finger, i think we should look on the bright side: it was kinda fun!

Posted by: reeves at March 10, 2005 01:15 PM

Oh my fucking god, girl, it's an epidemic! Something is obviously going around.

I'm so glad you are all ok.

Posted by: tizzie at March 10, 2005 02:10 PM

I thought of you, tiz...I think that Jesus hates VWs too. And pretty girl drivers with glasses!

no one suffered so much as a scraped finger

I thank god that our commemorative mugs made it out intact!

Posted by: dana at March 10, 2005 05:12 PM

*thanks various deities that no one was hurt*
*makes note to put Outback on the market, but pronto*

Posted by: bmarkey at March 10, 2005 06:58 PM

Does the enlarged penis also come with an airbag? Just trying to stay on topic.

Posted by: N at March 11, 2005 09:33 AM

Is it insured? No fault?

Did the enlarged penis's pneumatic brakes fail due to water in the lines?

Posted by: tizzie at March 11, 2005 09:59 AM

Fucking spammers are getting really savvy, aren't they. Well, they can take their enlarged penises and shove them....I don't know where!

"Officer, I swear, I didn't see that enlarged penis coming!"

Posted by: dana at March 11, 2005 11:41 AM

we really, really, really care.

Posted by: scruffy.penis at March 11, 2005 07:18 PM