On "Knowing Karate" VS "Knowing Ka-razy"

You know what sucks about reading two years back in your archives? (Well, what sucks if *you* are *me*...) You realize how much funnier you were two years ago. Anyhow, here's a guest-post from my pal Stv, whom I've known for two years and who's clearly stolen my funny from me.

I witnessed this dude ambling amicably around penn station, trying out his new oh so money headline on the public.

I yelled "NINJA!" and he actually played along, whipping his head around and dropping into a kung-fu crouch as if he were ready for an attack!

Then we both laughed and I didn't give him any money, which made me laugh even harder. If there's anything i hate more than a homeless, it's a friggin homeless poseur.

you know, these guys who run their shtick with the big plastic change jugs, or the crackhead newsletters, or the crusty punks who blow it all on facial tattooes until they have a bad week and go crying home to westchester.

the only homeless i respect are the really completely bugfuck swatting at imaginary demons ramblinatin' shamblinators, like all those reagan-era nuthouse dischargees who i'm almost starting to feel nostalgic for. At least they didn't punch off the clock at 5 and take off the crazy suit before their commute.

you can't see it in the pic, but this guy had some pretty nice sneakers on. i guess he needs them in order to run from ninjas - occupational hazard.

although, now that i think about it, when i saw him, the smilies weren't there on the bottom of the sign. he must have added them in order to disabuse passersby of his literality. wink wink, nudge nudge.

i really need to get into this racket -i'm a good sign writer!
I know i could do it!

"I HATE MYSELF ALMOST MORE THAN I HATE YOU. PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY."

"NEED SPARE CHANGE TO FIX TIME MACHINE SO I CAN
GO BACK AND KILL MY PARENTS BEFORE I AM BORN."

"NEED $$$ TO BUY NICE NEW SUIT TO SMOKE CRACK IN"

"CAN I HELP YOU CARRY ANYTHING? I LIKE TO HELP."