I Just Wanna Make Some Eardrums BLEEEEEEDSome evil being has switched my next-door neighbors, the formerly quiet and kind elderly couple, with a large and everchanging assortment of adolescents. They pound on the front door to be let in, and then they slam it behind them. Then they stomp down the hallway and turn a stereo on whose speakers are either really freakin' loud or are pointed directly at our shared wall. The music goes on all day. It starts at 7 am. I don't care if I am already awake at 7 am; I do not want to hear the subwoofer-only version of some janky-ass Hot 97 crap that early. And it continues throughout the day. Please don't assume I'm being rockist, either. No. The noise that comes through the plaster and cinderblock is the crap that teenagers of substandard taste and intelligence listen to because they were raised by equally substandard wolf-parents. I'm actually a little concerned about what happened to my old neighbors--what if they're being held hostage by the band of feral children who've taken over their apartment? I envision a Faginesque character who periodically stops by to dole out gin and yell at them for not playing their ghastly music loud enough. "That Ciara's noot gunna plae etself, innit? Turrrn et up o' yeel get na'mo gruuuuel!" Anyhow. I tried pounding on the wall. I called the landlord yesterday--admittedly an act of cowardice--to complain about the noise. I doubt the landlord will do anything. So what are we doing on this sunny, cold Saturday? We are going to Best Buy to get bigger speakers. I don't think these little fuckers know who they're dealing with. Prepare for Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits nonstop, shitheads. Two can play this game. Posted by Dana at 11:32 AM
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Little Man with a Gun in His HandOh, have I got a CD for you. You may borrow it if you wish.
Posted by: Vidiot at November 13, 2004 01:52 PMThank you for not genearlizing that statement about teenagers. I am one of the many teenagers out there that listens not to some pointless mumbling rapper who probably has about the IQ of the microphone he's using but older stuff. I'm sure no one here is all that big on Huey Lewis and the News, certainly not anymore, but that's what I'm listening to currently.
As for those kids, Culture Club. Lots and lots of Culture Club should do it.
Posted by: Kittie at November 13, 2004 05:35 PMYou know, there is nothing quite as annoying as the sound of a chorus of little girls singing "It's A Hard-Knock Life." May I suggest that you pick up a cd of "Annie," place your speakers near wall facing the teenagers, set the volume high and leave your apartment.
Posted by: gmb at November 14, 2004 09:24 AMWhen I worked at a cafe, we used to put on the soundtrack to "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" when we wanted to close early. A rousing, top-volume play of "I've Never Been to Me" tends to clear 'em out.
Posted by: CAAF at November 14, 2004 07:12 PMAnd for "Best Use of a Scottish Accent in a Blog Post Ever," the Pulitzer goes to .... Twinkle Twinkle Blah Blah!
**wild applause**
Call 311, if that does not work call cousin Vinnie, Tony, Gene, Little Al, Big Al, Frankie, Mario and Don Salvo.
If that does not work ( I doubt it) call Homeland Security and just mention the word "Al Qaida" and the address.
If that does not work, call me.
When I was a teenager, my father responded to a similar situation by facing the speakers out the window toward the house next door and blasting Bruckner's Eighth, which was the loudest music he knew. Did it work? Only for as long as it took our Deep Purple-worshipping friends to stop laughing.
Posted by: j-go at November 15, 2004 03:14 PMWe used to live next door to a couple of kids (actually they were only a few years younger than us, but they and their lifestyle made us feel old) who held loud, frequent parties, featuring separate stereo systems at each end of their apartment.
The day after an especially annoying party that ran till 3 or 4 am, while our neighbors were sleeping, we put a bluegrass song on repeat, very loud, and left the building for a few hours. Sweet revenge.
(Those particular neighbors got me so annoyed that I started researching radio-frequency jamming equipment online. Turns out that anything capable of messing with a stereo amp thru the wall would not only be highly illegal, but also capable of seriously burning anyone standing in its path. So I decided not to pursue this particular home electronics project.)
Posted by: Max at November 16, 2004 05:37 PMP.S. Speaking of bluegrass, I just Googled "A Man of Constant Sorrow", and this was the ad that appeared next to the search results:
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Google has an answer for everything!