Knitting idiotMy friend P, who came to visit this weekend, turned me onto the idea of knitting. I thought: Wouldn't it be nice to have something to do with my hands besides smoking or chronically masturbating? He made it seem easy. And he promised to teach me how. Well, before he had to catch his Dangerous Chinatown Bus back to DC, we went and bought knitting supplies: A couple sets of needles, and a skein of yarn. But then time ran short, and he had to board his bus before the needles even came out of the package. So now I'm stuck with all the materials but none of the know-how. I decided to go online to see if there were any helpful tutorials. I found this, which seems very straightforward, but I still can't do it. I don't do well with written instructions. I'm a learning-by-doing, Devry type, see. Darnit, it's killing me knowing that I grok the concept but can't...freaking...do it! I've gotten as far as the slipknot. Why did I ignore all my girlfriends' enjoinders to learn knitting when it was cool? I feel like I'm eating crow right now. But dammit, I spent 18 bucks and I am determined to either learn knitting or garrote myself with the damn needles. Posted by Dana at 08:44 PM
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Shit from an Old NotebookKnitting and crystal meth. Two great tastes that taste great together.
Posted by: j-go at October 3, 2004 10:33 PMFirst: "He"?? "He" had to leave for DC before "he" could teach you to knit? Ok, sure, I'm a cultural paleosaur, but still. Second: when was knitting ever *cool*? Perhaps in the same nanosecond that bingo and covering every square inch of exposed coffee table surface with doily. Thirdly, all this is bold talk from a woman who within the last *week* told me to avoid buying a Chrysler 300C because it screams out "old fart." What's owning a skein of yarn and a pair of foot-long needles scream out, "just made the cheerleading team"?
Posted by: Fes at October 4, 2004 12:23 AMTechnically, I know how to knit. But it takes so damn long, and the needles are pointy and the risk of injury is just too high. Crochet has turned out to be much safer. A sample of my work.
If you want, I can send some books your way. I collect - and it's a little out of control now - old pattern books, pamphlets and manuals. I have plenty of doubles on knitting. Sure, the patterns are from 1972, but groovy will be back one day, I assure you.
Posted by: salmonberry at October 4, 2004 02:59 AMOh my god, salmonberry, that hat really ties Fishfucker together.
Posted by: tizzie at October 4, 2004 09:31 AMSecond: when was knitting ever *cool*?
Well, fes, I was rereading Among The Lowest of the Dead, a book about death row convicts in Florida, and there's this passage: "Crocheting is a popular time-killer on the row. But not knitting. It's not allowed. You can kill a man with a knitting needle." (or words to that affect, don't have the book with me)
That must up it a few cool points.
I remember that Jamie Lee Curtis (I think) tried to take out Michael Myers with a handy knitting needle in Halloween I, too. Perhaps if Sally started spiking neighborhood transients with them, that'd be a little cooler, but I can't help but think that anything my waspy ur-Livia Soprano of a grandmother did regularly can even remotely be considered cool, convict devotees or not.
Posted by: Fes at October 4, 2004 11:43 AMB. knits. I'm sure she'd love to help you out.
And Fes, I think she's plenty cool.
A lot of the New York knit-hipster crowd seems to go here.
Posted by: Vidiot at October 4, 2004 12:22 PMVidiot, that link shows me I can make millions in New York City. Geez. $125 to learn how to make socks? $175 to learn how to crochet?
Do people get paid in gold doubloons in NYC?
Posted by: salmonberry at October 4, 2004 01:30 PMi can teach you how to knit. Knitting won't make you stop biting the skin around your nails, but it will help.
You just have to come see me.
Posted by: hereitype at October 9, 2004 09:38 AMoh, and for some reason you can still bring knitting needles on the airplanes. knitting needles and lighters.
Posted by: hereitype at October 9, 2004 09:39 AM