Sparks

This past week, I have been experiencing constant miniature electric shocks in my brain as a result of the tapering of the meds. Apparently this is quite common. That doesn't make them easier to deal with.

They're not frightening or anything. Just annoying. And distracting. (The premise that some people theorize that they're akin to petit mal seizures isn't so heartening, but whatever.) At first they only happened when I turned my head suddenly or stood up too fast. Then they started happening every time I took a hard step (leaving the curb to cross a street, running, etc.) By Friday they were near-constant blips in my brain. Going to the gym proved to be overwhelming.

Imagine the feeling you get when you shiver (or, as a friend used to put it, when someone "walks on your grave") combined with the surge you feel when someone surprises you or you have one of those falling dreams. In small doses it was tolerable. Now, though the frequency of the shocks seems to be tapering off, it's making me crazy(-er).

The lucid nightmares are strange too. I've never had such inchoate feelings of foreboding in a dream. And even though I *know* I'm dreaming, because I have no way of knowing what, precisely, is about to go terribly wrong, I can't do anything about it.

Oh, and what's even better than the nightmares and the shocks are the crying jags. I don't think I've cried this much since Steve McQueen died. Things I've cried about this week:

• Missing the train


• Forgetting to buy cat food


• Looking at some friends' vacation pictures


• Losing my passport


• Watching Frankie Evangelista learn how to ride his bicycle