Grudge match: Toni Schlesinger vs. Deborah Solomon

(Jesus, can I freaking spell?)
Ok, maybe it's just because I'm supremely hungover, but this is fucking hilarious.

TS: This strikes me as a good room to kill a parrot in. No fuss, no muss. Ever lie facedown on a webbed hammock and try to eat a taco through the gaps in the webbing? This neighborhood has mediocre tacos. They're all made with 7-grain shells. Anyway, you could hang one right here. A hammock. This doorknob wants to be "civil war" era, but really screams Restoration Hardware. Anyway, you could pass gas next to this aquarium, and this window over here would serve as your accomplice. The shade makes it look like it's winking at you. It's saying, "I can keep a secret. I can keep a secret." I hate pewter chalices. But I can't stop buying them. I may join the circus. I may not.
DS: Did I even ask you a question yet? No. Kindly shut the fuck up.