You're not blank, so baby we're throughWe live on a slippery slope, my friends. Every day something that was, just yesterday, completely unacceptable becomes commonplace and even encouraged. Whether its dining with the bottle on the table, growing a beard or choosing to become a bike messenger, things seem to getting worser and worser as we speed toward the End Times. The latest proof of this is the backpack situation. Listen, if you're a male over the age of 11 and you're not in the fucking French Foreign Legion, you probably shouldn't even own a backpack, but if you must, don't use both of the straps when you're just walking from the subway to your cubicle in the AON building. And, if you absolutely insist on using both straps, do not under any circumstance, use that little strap that connects the two in the center. Seriously, who are you, Captain Von Trapp? Unless you're carrying a week's rations and/or your papoose, there's no reason to truss yourself up like that. I initially suspected these were the same people who ride those fucking little scooters through the Loop, but, after closer inspection, they're actually a lot younger, and many even have a slightly indie rocker sensibility--even in their white shirts and ties. I think maybe the Emo kids and the Mormons are merging, which makes a lot of sense given that both religions share the same core beliefs and are tacitly "whites only." So when it become the Jimmy Eats World Tabernacle Choir, you'll know I was right and you can all celebrate my vision. Posted by N/C at 11:58 AM
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You provide no acceptable alternatives. Please explain how to carry items in a grown-up, mature fashion. Fanny packs, perhaps? A minivan?
Carrying a backpack by one strap is retarded, btw.
Posted by: N at June 23, 2004 12:55 PMYou can put your books in a grocery bag for all I care. Just have a little pride, man.
Posted by: N/C at June 23, 2004 01:02 PMHmmm...I tend to think a backpack is pretty damn sexy on a man. But yeah, one strap. Two straps is just too puking-on-the-schoolbus-in-my-dog-sweater-esque, I think.
Posted by: Kittie at June 23, 2004 01:21 PMPlease explain how to carry items in a grown-up, mature fashion. Fanny packs, perhaps? A minivan?
Carry all your shit in your pockets and your hands. The backpack phenomenon is just proof that people have too much stuff. I mean, you're walking down a city street, not riding the fucking rails to Mexico. How much shit do you honestly need, gear boy.
Posted by: jonmc at June 23, 2004 01:59 PMWell Jon, after spending the night at your mother's house fucking her in the ass I certainly need to bring a change of clothes with me for the next day, don't I?
Posted by: N at June 23, 2004 03:02 PMholy crap!!!
...also, being a 30-yr-old who uses a backpack on occasion, i must argue that the one-strap thing is both tremendously gay looking ("gay" in the fifth-grade sense), and it also fucks up your back pretty good. also, try as i might to pull off the black shoulder bag look that all the corporates go for just didn't work with my well-established office-punk attire. it looked even lamer. so, other than carry a damn paper bag, i'm not sure what the alternatives are. of course, it's much easier for midwesterners to complain about backpack wearers when they can keep everything of value in their car, buried under a pile of McDonald's wrappers, crumpled cigarette packs, dirty clothes, and empty Enzyte boxes...
but hey, i know how it is, i used to be a car owner/driver, and i hated pedestrians and there stupid functionality as well.
Posted by: reeves at June 23, 2004 03:48 PM"their", pardon me.
Posted by: reeves at June 23, 2004 04:01 PMHey, no talking about assfucking mothers unless it's MY mom, ok?
(Don't make me come back here. It's too hard to get a WiFi connection on the beach in Fiji.)
Posted by: dana at June 23, 2004 04:04 PMWow.
In the past couple weeks people have offered to fuck me, me & my horse and now my mom.
I know we're all pretty, but restrain yourselves, please.
Posted by: jonmc at June 23, 2004 06:47 PMdork is the new dope, fool.
I think maybe the Emo kids and the Mormons are merging, which makes a lot of sense given that both religions share the same core beliefs and are tacitly "whites only."
That is so dead on it's terrifying...
Posted by: Jonesy at June 24, 2004 04:34 AMThey are college interns, here in the financial services industry trying to pad their resumes. They still think they are on college campuses. Thats' who they are.
Posted by: TLL at June 24, 2004 09:24 AMLike the Rev. reeves a few posts northward I myself am a 30 year old backpacker. In fact, I don't own a suitcase, if I can't get in either my pack or laptop bag it doesn't come with me.
I do the one strap thing, though. Can't help it. With both straps it feels like too much of a commitment, like I'm no longer merely carrying things and I'm trying too hard to go completely marsupial.
Posted by: dong resin at June 24, 2004 11:21 AMI did the backpack when first moving to NYC, but eventually succumbed to peer pressure (and the lure of easy access to my Discman) and got a shoulder bag. (I even have the now-obligatory collection of little band buttons on it.)
But I'm seriously thinking about switching back -- and yes, wearing both straps -- because of lower back problems.
An unbalanced load will screw up your back eventually. Or at least my back. And I know at least two other people who have just made the switch to backpack-with-both-straps for this very reason.
Posted by: Maximus at June 24, 2004 03:49 PMA shopping cart holds more and people give you a wide berth! Especially if yer yelling things about the government and goddamn German technology! Ptah!
Posted by: monk at June 24, 2004 04:00 PMI think maybe the Emo kids and the Mormons are merging, which makes a lot of sense given that both religions share the same core beliefs and are tacitly "whites only."
That is so dead on it's terrifying...
Actually the lack of black people in the emo culture has nothing to do with emo kid's racism. It has to do with black people having better taste in music.
Posted by: jonmc at June 24, 2004 04:42 PMjonmc, what does your horse look like?
Posted by: red clay at June 24, 2004 05:26 PMLike My Little Pony. Why do you ask?
Posted by: jonmc at June 24, 2004 08:10 PMAaaah my little pony... Excuse me, I have to go and bathroom myself.
Thanks for the mention via the whole Canada refuses to hange its name to Ronald Reagan thing.
Posted by: Andrew Riddles at June 27, 2004 06:11 AMno offense, but you and your mom didn't sound very appetizing. and now you've put me off the horse, too.
red clay, me and all my relatives and pets are the most unappetizing creatures on the planet. and don't you forget it.
Posted by: jonmc at June 28, 2004 09:46 AMjon mc, my dance card tends toward full on my worst days.
but i will pencil that note in.
and reeves, down here a pedestrian is somebody whose car is broke down.
"there but for the grace of God."
somebody to be pitied quietly.