Shit from an Old Notebook
April 28, 2004
10 Comments

Back to the drawing board

Your search - "dysfunctional mothers day cards" - did not match any documents.

Tell me, isn't that astounding? It's an untapped market:

"Dear Mom, Even Though I Apparently Inherited All of Dad's Family's Bad Traits, I'm Still Your Daughter"

"This Card Is a Testament to All the Wonderful Things About You, Mom, But I'm Sure, Like Everything Else, It Won't Live Up to Your Impossible Expectations"

"Mom, I'm So Glad We Have These Fifteen Minutes to Spend Together Before My Therapy Session"

"Mother, I Know You Missed My Recitals, My Ball Games, and My Graduation, But I Understand...You Were 'Tired.'"

"Happy Mother's Day! No, I Haven't Gained Weight!"

"Mother, On Your Special Day, Here's Your Xanax and Chardonnay"

Just off the top of my head.

Posted by Dana at 11:34 AM

Comments

just wanted to share my new theory on getting back at parents for dysfunctional upbringings: NO GRANDCHILDREN FOR YOU! they hate that shit. mine go nuts when i start with the threats. here's some lines i've used lately:

"you'd better enjoy the little ones my sisters have produced, 'cause that's all yr gettin."

"have kids in this day and age? are you crazy? don't you know the polar ice caps are melting and the seas are rising?"

"all this republican air pollution has made me sterile. but maybe if you vote democrat the little guys will learn to swim again. that's right, a vote for kerry is a vote for grandkids."

Posted by: they're-grrrrrreeves at April 28, 2004 12:09 PM

I think the ideal opening line would be:

Dear "Mom":

Hard to beat that.

Posted by: Jamie at April 28, 2004 12:15 PM

the reason you have not got any result is due to the wrong spelling of the words "mothers day".
In fact I found this (http://www.psych-central.com/Dysfunctional.htm) when I typed "mother's day".

from the almanac:
Today in Weather History -  
Six feet of snow blocked roads in Buffalo, 1958.

Posted by: S.o.G.L. at April 28, 2004 12:44 PM

d00d, don't you have your own blog to be updating?

and lo, I also did it with the apostrophe:
Nada.

Posted by: dana at April 28, 2004 12:59 PM

"I'm Not Adopted, But That's Not For Wishing I Was."

Posted by: Vidiot at April 28, 2004 01:26 PM

"Mom, Thank You for always keeping your slapping hand open."

Posted by: jonmc at April 28, 2004 01:51 PM

Dear Mom,
On this, your very special day, take a moment for yourself to reminisce back to your youthful days of wild abandon. Those filled with consequence-free, mind mending substance consumption. When the only the thing the dawning sun signaled was another round of shots. Done? Good. I’m Gay.

Posted by: -p- at April 28, 2004 02:22 PM

oi *bending

Posted by: -p- at April 28, 2004 02:22 PM

reminisce back to your youthful days of wild abandon. Those filled with consequence-free, mind mending substance consumption. When the only the thing the dawning sun signaled was another round of shots.

Dude. Aren't "those days" more or less the reason you exist?

Posted by: jonmc at April 28, 2004 02:44 PM

My bf once went with this card:

You've Been Just Like a Mother to Me

Posted by: spygeek at May 5, 2004 05:53 PM