Satanically Yours Online Dating Service

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go on a date with a bonafide rock and roll star? To have VIP treatment at every exclusive high brow club in the world? To take champaigne bubble baths? To be escorted around town in a lavish stretch limosine with a strip club in the back? To become gossip fodder in every tabloid newspaper on the stands? Well, ladies, here it comes...

Win a date with Piss Pissedoffherson!

That's right. That sexy motherfucker who heads up The Devil's Own is whoring himself out to the winner at no cost to you what-so-ever. All you have to so is state in ten words or less why you should be the winner of the Win a Date with Piss Pissedoffherson contest. Submit your answers to Dana and she will choose the winner. But, it ain't even that easy, you dripping lasses. Read below for terms and conditions.

Terms and Conditions:

1. For the love of God, please be hot. By this, I mean, don't go trying to pull one over on me. I have a very serious reputation to uphold and uglies don't fit in it.
2. Please, be 18 or older. I have a serious reputation I'm trying to shake and if the cops see me meandering around the schoolyard again, well, off I go.
3. No high school dimploma or college degree required. It'd be nice if you have a brain though. Worry none, honey, I won't make you use it.
4. If you are the winner of this date, please leave all of your baggage at home. It's only a date and I couldn't care less if your boss sexually harrassed you at the office early that day. It'll be my cock you're sucking, not his.
5. Again, if you are the winner of the most exciting contest ever held, and if you are really lucky (two kinds of luck, sweetness, remember that!), expect to have your legs scrambled and your eggs deviled.
6. Suicide Girls greatly encouraged to participate. If you are a Suicide Girl and you don't win (hint: it's rigged in your favor), you are still encouraged to go on the date.
7. Now, depending on if you take this seriously or not, I may or may not take this seriously either. But, if you're diamond enough (and just fucking sexy hot), I'll fly out to you and take you on a date and pay for the whole thing and all I would expect is a warm bed, some giving up of the jewelry box and you pay for coffee the next morning.

I can feel you gushing now. Ladies, rev up for your downfall.