This morning, I actually got to the L early. I know I was early because I saw the Train People I only see like twice a month. Everything was normal, then between Lorimer and Bedford the heating element in my car CAUGHT ON FIRE.
(Now, not to brag, but when I first moved to Williamsburg, the G train was ALWAYS on fire. It was like the Christine of the MTA.)
I actually had no idea what was happening as I was engrossed in a heuristic dissection of "And We Danced" by the Hooters, which happened to be playing on my iPod. But then, all of a sudden, I was nearly knocked off my feet by a stampede of people from the other side of the car. "The train's on fire!"
Ecco homo: Some people panicked. Others barely looked up from their paperback copies of The Corrections. I grabbed onto the hulking man standing in front of me so as not to be flattened. (If you're reading this, I'm sorry about that.)
We all got off at Bedford and the conductor and motorman checked out the scene. Apparently the coils had got too hot. So they turned off the heat and announced the dreaded "This train is out of service." Incredibly, people stood poised to hop right back on, presuming (I thought incorrectly) that the MTA is given to fits of mercurial whimsy and would announce I jes' keeeeeding! I lingered as far away as I could, contemplating taking the L back to Lorimer and hopping on the G.
But spank me hard and call me Shirley. The conductor, after turning off the heat in the car and, oh, I dunno, employing his *years of training* as a terrorism expert to determine that the fire was not, in fact, a bomb of some sort, let us back on the train.
I swear to god, people were jockeying for seats on the bench DIRECTLY ABOVE where the flames had shot out. The smell of charred flesh and Payless Shoes still hung in the air. I guess I'm just as much of an idiot as everyone else, because I got back on the train too. I mused on the fact that when I first moved here, I wouldn't even get on the train if there was a discarded paper bag under the bench, but that was then. Of course, I used to say "bless you" to sneezing strangers on the street.
People bravely chatted with each other about the struggle they'd just endured. Meanwhile, I listened to my iPod and had a vision of sorts:
"Ever tell yous about the L-Train Troubles of October Ought-Three?" they'd tell the children they would undoubtedly sire after the adversity of the morning's events would embolden them to shtup in the elevator at 14th Street-Union Square, introducing themselves only after the seed had planted and they'd shared an awkward moment trying to figure out whose Jonathan Franzen was whose.
"And that's how I met your mother."
Posted by Dana at October 24, 2003 10:00 AMI still smile at people on the train. Of course, our trains are very orderly. We are an orderly people. Anyone on our train making too much noise or acting foolishly will get a stern newspaper-rustling-at, let me tell you!
Posted by: Fes at October 24, 2003 10:29 AMOf course, if one of our trains caught on fire, someone would just put it out, frown at the disorderliness of it, then return to their sports section, occasionally waving a hand in front of their face to dispel any lingering smokiness. The rest of us would look up briefly.
Posted by: Fes at October 24, 2003 10:33 AMThis bothers me in four fancy ways:
1. You take the G train one stop from Nassau and transfer to the L at Metropolitan/Lorimer every day? Are you out of your mind? Even from where you live--near the open sewers, the methane factories, and the meth labs--it's faster to walk than wait for the dreaded Gee, Ain't This The Worst In York train. Try this brisk walk instead of a run every morning, and you can stay in bed a half-hour longer.
2. At the scene, I saw people having excited phone conversations above ground, delighted to tell every one that they would be late. Eight women stood at Driggs and North Seventh listening to another patient woman explain that yes, there is a Broadway in Brooklyn, and yes, there is such a thing as the JMZ train. This is wrong that they did not know this.
3. What else was wrong? Oh yeah, it took me an hour to get to work, because after seeing all the lamerz standing on the platform, I hopped on the L in the other direction, transferred to the G, took it to Court Square, and took the V in. One-way commute, door-to-door: 55 minutes. Christ.
4. In this large-scale run-through of the prisoner's dilemma we call New York City, the person who yanked the emergency cord showed a tremendous amount of selfishness. Where were the marshmellows? The bottled water? That can-do, what-smell? attitude which leads normal, giving New Yorkers into ignoring a minor event like a fire in a subway car?
Posted by: Grant Barrett at October 24, 2003 01:22 PMGrant, you ignorant slut, I *never* take the G to the L. I only take the G if the L is malfunctioning, down to Hoyt-Schermerhorn.
Don't talk to me about brisk walks, you whipper-snapper! I've got a good 5 minutes on your morning constitution, I'll bet good money.
Funny, I didn't notice anyone pulling the emergency cord. Are you sure they did? I think it's hard to get the train moving again after that.
Too bad I hadn't known you were there, we could've hated on the lamerz and the fakerz together.
Posted by: dana at October 24, 2003 01:30 PMyou guys are SUPER dumb. HAha-aAHA! you make me larff.
Posted by: Genovina Burro at October 24, 2003 02:14 PMNot to make light of suicide, but...at least some moronic hipster didn't throw him/herself in front of the train at Bedford. That's usually why the L goes down--somebody's Dad stopped sending them the $3,000 monthly check, the art opening tanked, blah blah blah. Always during rush hour, too, when people with real jobs have places to go. Sigh.
Posted by: JKT at October 24, 2003 03:40 PMyou like fred armisen too?
Posted by: kmouse at October 24, 2003 06:39 PMBack in 94' I was dating this quiet thin NYU urban-planning minor Louis Mumford reading alkie who lived on 1st and 9th. It started in October and it was fine so I would walk up to 5th to get my trains instead of taking the strange "L" to 6th, 8th, etc.
Then it got cold and I was still seeing her so one night I hopped on the "L"
And suddenly 7 Columbian gang members were dead. Blood was everywhere. Pigs were firing guns. They ain't so smart. The Post had it on page 4.
And this was the last time I took the "L"
And the last time I prodded this thin urban planner.
Though I am sure the "L" is much safer now that it runs to West Bucktown.
Plus I saw a picture of the "L" in the News and it is often new like the "6" and "A"
----
The G used to be a great train when it RAN INTO Queens. It was the best Q/Bk train and the quickest way to get to the bumfuck Brooklyns. Now it is as horrific as the V.
Back in 94' I was dating this quiet thin NYU urban-planning minor Louis Mumford reading alkie who lived on 1st and 9th. It started in October and it was fine so I would walk up to 5th to get my trains instead of taking the strange "L" to 6th, 8th, etc.
Then it got cold and I was still seeing her so one night I hopped on the "L"
And suddenly 7 Columbian gang members were dead. Blood was everywhere. Pigs were firing guns. They ain't so smart. The Post had it on page 4.
And this was the last time I took the "L"
And the last time I prodded this thin urban planner.
Though I am sure the "L" is much safer now that it runs to West Bucktown.
Plus I saw a picture of the "L" in the News and it is often new like the "6" and "A"
----
The G used to be a great train when it RAN THROUGH Queens. It was the best Q/Bk train and the quickest way to get to the bumfuck Brooklyns. Now it is as horrific as the V.
Gunfire? In the house?? Hmm. That would certainly raise some steely glowering *rustlerustleRUSTLE!*
Posted by: Fes at October 27, 2003 09:52 AM