twinkle twinkle blah blah blah etc.

My sound'll make you jump around like calypso

Whoooo. Nothing like a packet of Emergen-C (half of which I spilled all over my keyboard while pouring it into the water bottle--Jesus, it's a wonder any of my friends let me near their cocaine) to quell the aftereffects of an evening spent drinking glass after glass of Valpolicella while puzzling over HBO's new fall lineup (ie, going to bed, drunk and weary, at 10:15).

I think the Antic Muse is, as usual, right fuckin' on in her assessment of Vice magazine, and, in particular, Vanessa Grigoriadis' obsequious prattling on the topic in the Sunday Styles section of the Times:

But, seriously, I don't understand why anyone should be either defensive about or shocked by hipster conservatism. Being cool or hip is, by its nature, conservative: Exclusionary, status-seeking, rule-bound, elitist and devoted to, yes, conserving a specific set of ideas and principles. The only difference between the editorial board of Commentary and that of Vice is the size of their bar tabs at the Pink Pony.

To which I'd like to add a few things:

• Maybe the Times should consider a moratorium on Greek-American writers. I mean, there's barely enough hate in my heart for both VG and Anemona Hartocollis.


• I am willing to admit that Vice is, on occasion, funny. It's still a piece of shit: I get a kick out of the fact that it's marketed toward the hippest 18-25 year olds yet it's helmed by 3 pudgy, balding 35-year-olds. At the Creativity Now! conference, Whatshisface, the one who is not Gavin McInnes or that other guy, said that Vice maintains some level of moral legitimacy because they don't accept cigarette ads. Yeah fuckin' right. We're still talkin' about the magazine that once had an embossed coke-on-mirror cover, right? And McInnes ain't no Jim Goad, though I do hear he's impressively endowed. Where was I goin' with this? Anyhow.


• In my estimation, Sarah Silverman has officially gone from being Okay for a chick to Pretty much a cunt status,* after she was quoted as saying "If you think Vice is misogynistic, then you are a self-centered white woman." No, Sarah, you are. And you're dating an adenoidal, pearshaped man-child who probably grunts a lot during sex. So HA!


• This deserves its own bulletpoint: With regard to Sarah Silverman, I *do* think she's funny. But what she says is unfairly championed as Comedy Genius because a)she's female and b)she's attractive. It's a rare Boolean lineup--funny AND attractive AND woman. Plus, it's the only time** in which being a woman is actually advantageous, because each of the first two factors is enhanced by the other three: She's funnier because she's female and pretty! She's prettier because she's funny and a girl! Trust me on this; I know: I work this angle at cocktail parties all the time (throw some alcohol into the above equation and I become Ogden Nash and Groucho Marx in Famke Jenssen's body).

I had other points to make, but whatthefuckever. Ah, blissful, blissful hate.

*Which is actually quite an achievement, seeing as the only other people in that category so far are Courtney Love, Ann Coulter, Sofia Coppola, and a certain woman whose name I won't mention for fear of a libel lawsuit but who published very unflattering things about yours truly in our college paper's gossip column (the same column that launched Jared Stern into fame, I might add) and also announced to a roomful of people that I had a third nipple. I have procured pictures of her taken minutes after the birth of her baby, if anyone's interested.

**Well, that and being on a sinking ship when the lifeboats come around.

Posted by Dana at September 29, 2003 11:24 AM